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U-Turn

For clarity, this is my imagination from when I saw a poster for a film glorifying evil

U-Turn (28-11-98)

My life was borne

On the sluggish waters

Of empty boredom,

What I wanted, I had

Trainers, videos, stereos

Cars, CD’s, computer games

Posters, tracksuits and parties,

And yet life was a drunken haze

Even when I was sober,

Unreal, unsatisfying

Empty, greasy,

Like a fast food meal.

 

One night I walked along

My heart as dark as the mocking sky

Looking at the posters in the video shop

This and that, and then one caught my eye,

It said ‘U-Turn,

Sex, Murder,

Betrayal

All that makes life

Worth living for’

And it held my gaze

And put my heart to thrall

That was the start

Of my very own u-turn

The figures gazed out at me,

Haunted me in my dreams

And filled up every empty crack

Of my waking hours

A dream with a promise

A promise that beckoned, just to me,

Life worth living for.

 

My life seemed as a dream,

The dream seemed real,

It ate me, consumed me,

Made me really feel,

Anticipation rose within

A plan on how to begin

To really live, truly live,

Detached I seemed,

Yet a part thrilled,

Dream and real merged,

Which was which I couldn’t say,

Lured a friend, grabbed her

Took her, raped her

Face so shocked I could do this

Friend turned frenzied monster

And then a knife to a warm and living throat

That quivered and spurted and became still,

And where I was or what I’d done was a dream,

Till I found myself locked up in a cell

No hope of acquittal

And found myself on the long dark lonely road,

To a living worthless hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(c) Nathanael Lewis 1998